The Hidden Factor Fueling Chronic Guilt

Long ago I heard the emotion of guilt described by a name person in the psychology field as an “entirely useless emotion.” That really stuck with me.

Besides the general throwing the baby out issue, I have a couple of other problems with that.

First, it presupposes that we understand that this is speaking to so-called irrational, or unreasonable guilt. In other words, guilt we feel even when we’ve “done nothing wrong.” The implication being, because there’s no rational/logical basis for it, this alone should somehow magically allows us to just “let it go,” if not ever feel it again.

Some in the progressive spiritual community and even some psychotherapy methods are guilty (no pun intended) of this implication, as well. Dare I say there’s a potential bypassing at work there.

Ask anyone whose been struggling especially with chronic feelings of guilt, or as it used to be called, a “guilt complex,” how much this view helps. As they say up north, “fhuggettabaatit!”

Rational or irrational, our emotions, or the parts of us carrying them, don’t make such distinctions. Experience-born emotions themselves don’t discern whether we or anyone believes they’re warranted. They just are.

This reductive, rather judgmental stance on guilt is all head, no body/heart. It invalidates all underlying energetic, emotional, somatic/subconscious factors that serve as the scaffolding of chronic guilt.

It also leaves out that the emotion and the experience of chronic guilt is the mere tip of the iceberg poking out of the water.

what is guilt?

I think we all intuitively know what guilt feels like. But to me what’s really important about guilt— generally defined as a body-based feeling/knowing that we’ve done something wrong/bad/out of integrity or against our our own or the generally accepted moral code, is what separates it from it’s close cousin: Shame.

Shame is generally defined as the feeling that we are something bad, and/or simply not enough as we are. So powerful and universal is shame (Thanks Brenee’ Brown) that it’s often referred to as “The Master Emotion.”

So while pure guilt is an emotional response to an action, core shame is about our being; about how fundamentally flawed and unacceptable we may think/believe/feel we are.

One problem is, since most of us are so heavily culturally conditioned to equate who we are with what we do, guilt and shame become easily fused. And the earlier we experience events that produce too much of either is the degree to which our core identity becomes fused with underlying guilt and shame.

There are, I’ve learned, generational and ancestral components (i.e. “epigenetic triggers”) that can saddle us with inherited guilt or shame that never belonged to us to begin with. But working with people therapeutically for 20 plus years, and for the last several developing and utilizing my Subconscious Heal and Release energetic and somatic, kinesiologically-guided approach, I conclude we can largely thank environment for this identity fusion.

Cause here’s the thing. No one comes out of the womb drowning in either guilt or shame, or with a all-formed belief about our fundamental worthlessness. Cultural, societal and familial conditioning, in all its insidious and myriad forms, feeds us this shit cake!

the utility (not futility) of guilt

To experience guilt about an action we’ve taken that was intentionally harmful to self or other, or otherwise thoughtless to a point that it inadvertently produced harm is, of course, appropriate. Guilt in this case is utilitarian, functional, purposeful. We all have our defenses and rationalizations for the shit we say and do, but in any reasonably emotionally healthy and mindful person, it will (eventually) signal a healthy response—to take responsibility, make an amends, or whatever’s required for the situation.

Ideally, having done so poises us to forgive ourselves, learn from it, and put it to bed. It’s also a good sign that we have a functioning conscience, that we’re not a sociopath or psychopath. That’s always good :>

But with the experiencing of chronic, pervasive guilt, we’re really talking about a shame-infused, identity-based guilt. In fact, as I see it, with chronic guilt it’s really more about the shame, and the *hidden* factor which I’ll get to below. For without heavy doses of shame, and a shame-based identity, chronic guilt would not possess the hang-around power that it does.

codependency/interdependency

Chronic guilt is most often correlated with people-pleasing and especially, codependency, also a universal. Again, sociopaths, psychopaths and committed antisocial isolationists aside, as for the rest of us social beings appropriately wired to connect, let’s face it, we’re all codependent. Just a matter of how much.

I find that liberating. Acceptance is the beginning of all real change and growth.

On the unhealthy, problematic end is more extreme codependency, marked by a visceral emptiness and lack of real sense of self. Here self-worth is almost entirely dictated by approval and ability to please other, driven by the avoidance of disapproval/displeasing of other, often at the expense of self and ones own best interests and true needs. (“Needs, what needs?“).

On the healthier end of the spectrum we lean more interdependent, which honors that liminal space between interpersonal drives for social connection/secure attachment, and the capacity for solitude, individuality, unique expression, a clear sense of self marked by clear boundaries as to where we begin/others end, and most notably, the ability to say “no” when necessary without feeling…you guessed it, guilty.

There’s the most obvious and common complaint of someone struggling with chronic guilt: ‘I just can’t say no!”

(It’s actually the very first thing, after hello, that my first adult client ever said to me).

The hidden factor

There is, or so I see time and again in folks bearing the albatross of chronic guilt, an interrelationship (inverse?) between chronic guilt and deep, often unacknowledged (disowned) resentment.

Yes, guilt and resentment. Two sides, same coin.

Strange bedfellows, you might think.

But not so much.

Chronic guilt is essentially shame and unworthiness-based self-blame. (Masochistic self-flagellation at it worst). Resentment is essentially deep, crusted over, usually unacknowledged and/or unexpressed hurt, grief & sadness-based anger. A constellation of suppressed emotional energetic pain signatures that, if and when accessed, owned and expressed, would (must) include the recognition of appropriate accountability and responsibility to those (and/or to circumstances) other than oneself.

It’s often said that the shadow of the people-pleaser (one common interpersonal expression of codependency, rooted in fear of abandonment) is ultimately, resentment. The shadow being a Jungian idea signifying all the disowned parts or aspects of ourselves. Those things we’re loathe to recognize are in us, or that we’re even capable of.

With this I agree. I see it a lot. At this point, I feel like I can smell the buried resentment in the people-pleaser presentation.

For reasons I’ll get more into below, resentment serves as the undergirding, or hidden factor, of many a struggle with chronic guilt, within or in absence of a codependency problem. And as the cure for pain is in the pain, understanding and contending with this is the key to transforming it, thereby freeing oneself from the spectre of chronic guilt.

A deeper dive

Children in any culture, psychologically and developmentally speaking, are hard wired to avoid pain to survive, either literally or emotionally/psychologically. Part of this pain is the pain of the inevitable failings of the environment. Especially when it comes to our caregivers, our instinctive set point is to maintain connection and felt sense of security at almost any cost. To avoid dreaded abandonment, ultimately.

When and where the environment fails, be it empathic/emotional failure—i.e. to respond consistently when we’re in distress, mirror us and meet our basic needs for self esteem and identity), more concrete failures— i.e. food, shelter, resources, or the more gross failures of psychological safety and security— i.e. neglect, abuse, emotional or actual abandonment, our innate, survival-based need to keep caregivers good, “all good,” leaves us one choice only:

We must make ourselves the problem. We must be “bad.” We must be the trouble, the problem, the cause, and/or are just not enough as we are.

Enter worthlessness, shame, and the recipe for chronic guilt.

Typically, what is not recognized is how we really feel about the failings. Our true emotions. Be it “Little T” or “Big T” traumas we experience, or both, we are disappointed, hurt, confused, scared, and sad when caregivers or the environment fails us in significant ways.

When our true emotions get repressed, because they’re too psychologically threatening to acknowledge, or our environment won’t support or help us with them, and/or the larger culture disavows it via spoken or unspoken puritanical ethics, “boys don’t cry” or “pull yourself up by your bootstraps” cultural mandates, the result is often a mountain of unrecognized emotional pain and a growing, festering resentment. And when that resentment and all that supports it is understood to be unacceptable to feel and/or reveal, it converts to its opposite— the far more socially and culturally acceptable unworthiness/self-blame & shame-based guilt.

Enter, the False Self.

a kind of Addiction

There’s a reason why in the addiction treatment community, including the 12 Step world, there’s a major emphasis on unearthing, facing and working through resentments. In addition to genetic factors, the environmental trauma that produced it can easily set one up for escape through dependency.

Dependency through addiction itself symbolizes a wish to return to earlier developmental stages where we were dependent, and so badly needed our needs met in “good enough” fashion. The flight into addiction then be seen as a metaphor for the ultimate wish for a “do-over.” A return to the ever-longed for safety, security, and consistent demonstration of love and acceptance that were perhaps not there at all, or failed to meet the “good enough” litmus test.

Chronic guilt itself can become an addiction, for we can become dependent on anything. Anything can be used as a defense. Even, crazy as it may sound, our suffering.

To stay stuck in a cycle of feeling unworthy and unacceptable, believing that everything is our fault, stricken with the need to please, always craving the approval of others at all costs is not just a horrendous way to live, it’s completely inauthentic, self-invalidating, negatively self-fulfilling and engenders no real healthy, meaningful connection with ourselves others, and the world.

It’s one face of the Victim Archetype, with grave spiritual implications.

Genuine connection, and a fulfilling life in the social matrix of planet earth requires a reasonably healthy sense of self, the ability to tolerate and even enjoy solitude (as distinct from isolation), solid boundaries, the willingness to set and maintain them, as well as true reciprocity.

The person living in a state of chronic guilt, until they’re on the road to healing recovery, possesses little or none of this.

So the chronically guilty person has an out, if they feel they need it. Like the perfectionist whose perfectionism is socially rewarded, many of the behaviors (like people pleasing) that flow from chronic guilt are also rewarded. So they don’t have to take ownership or responsibility for their pain, or their healing. They can live out the Victim role to the end, if they choose. But this is just resistance, a defense against making contact with the underlying pain they know is there. Ans they know that to acknowledge and finally face the resentment born (usually) of pervasive childhood trauma means facing the unspoken psychological “loyalty bind” contract made with caregivers—i.e. I’m “all bad” so you remain “all good.”

Some version of this almost always comes up in the healing from chronic guilt process. It’s a rite of passage, and an important one.

Ultimately, it’s how we grow into a well-boundaried, individuated, sovereign Adult Self.

Messy, but doable. Totally doable.

healing is always possible

Everything we want to achieve, I’ve learned (sometimes the hard way) begins with true commitment, From there, we’ll be called to demonstrate courage, discover our capability, and thus arrive at true confidence.

This is the Heroes Journey.

Insofar as emotions are energy in motion, everything is energy, energy is either flowing or struck, and given that words have the power to heal, we can gain much traction on the road out of chronic guilt by addressing the hidden factor element and all related unacknowledged, often trapped emotions, traumas, and corresponding limiting beliefs on the somatic/subconscious level.

I can help you do this with my Energy Healing process, as a stand alone treatment, or in conjunction with my Integrative Counseling process. In that we work together to establish safety and security in an environment of hope and clear expectations, and begin constructing a healthy sense of self, good boundaries, discover your innate resources, heal, and begin working toward your preferred-future reality.

So, if you’ve been considering or looking for a Nashville Therapist, or a Therapist in Franklin, or for that matter, if you’re virtually anywhere else in the world and would like to do some work together via Telehealth/Video, visit me at: Therapy Outside the Box for more information about my other services, including those that are available on a “coaching” or consultation” basis worldwide. Or just call me at 615.430.2778 or email me at chris@therapyoutsidethebox.com to set up a FREE 20 MINUTE CLARITY CALL about how I can help you best.

Peace, love, and freedom from guilt!

Chris Hancock, LCSW, ACMHP

The Paradox of Change

We want change, and we don’t. We want to grow, and we don’t. We want to learn, and we don’t. We want to heal, and sometimes, we don’t.

We take two steps forward, one back. Sometimes one forward, two back.

Can you relate?

Such is what is means to be human. Or so I’ve begun to understand over 20 plus years of seeing what we call resistance, or, the counter life force, in action.

Resistance appears to be an omnipresent, universal aspect of the human condition. I see it in myself, and I don’t believe I’ve ever encountered a single person within the therapeutic frame that didn’t come up against this innate force, in ways small or large, at some point in their effort to resolve and grow through whatever ails.

Want a glaring example? Addiction. For addiction, we could argue, is the embodiment of the counter life force having taken complete hold and driving the bus to the darkest, most destructible end possible sans successful intervention.

The beauty here, should you accept this premise as I do, is that acceptance begets change.

As the great Carl Gustav Jung was known to have said, “anything we wish to change we must first accept.” I would suggest further that this truism is the basis of many ancient philosophies (Stoicism for sure), as well as modern and popular practices such as mindfulness, and therapies such as Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT).

The existence and function of resistance could be debated till the cows come home. I’ll just say that its a bit like the master emotion of shame. Typically, the more fiercely we deny it’s existence within us, the more of it we likely have. And it’s the bedrock of all self -defeating and self-sabotaging behavior, to be sure.

From the perspective of the beautifully holistic Internal Family Systems Therapy (IFS) model, and the Multiplicity of Mind philosophy from which it springs, we could look at resistance as not our essence, but simply a part of us. A part that, like all parts, have a positive intent and play a specific role on our Larger Self system. In this way of thinking, each part attempts to help us in the only way it knows how. Even if that way is directly counter to what we (Our Larger Self/True Self) is trying to accomplish.

There’s one version of the paradox of change right there!

And until that part is accepted (the prerequisite), recognized, engaged and understood for what it has been trying to do for us and why, it will simply keep on doing that which it’s been designed and conditioned to do. But, in this way of conceptualizing and working with our internal self system, we inevitably find that all parts—especially those that perform extreme functions—are tired. Tired of doing the same thing, the same way. When properly engaged, our parts invariably tell us that they are amenable to change; to updating their role and duty in the Self System.

Resistance can also be looked at more globally, even spiritually, in terms of the basic polarity and duality of what it means to be human. If we were born or incarnated here in earth school (my view) as perfectly whole, undivided souls, insofar as all life is experience-based learning and growing as we go via trial and error (no manual, right?), I would wonder, what would be the point? So I accept resistance as one facet of who we are. Not some aberration or accident of Divine design.

I really believe part of all our journey is learning how to contend with resistance, see it in action, dance with it, hold it, ride the dialectic between acquiescing and fighting; accepting and challenge it by creatively subverting, channeling, and ultimately transmuting the energy of resistance into that which serves us, others, and the world (the cognitive triad) best at any given point.

Speaking of transmuting energy, in essence, this is exactly what my ever-evolving energy psychology (ep), somatic, solution-focused approach called Subconscious Heal and Release aims to do. In using this healing method, our internal resistance naturally arises in the form of old traumas, limiting beliefs, and trapped emotional energies that hold us back and keep us out of alignment with whatever goal we’re working together to achieve. Its rooted in Multiplicity of Mind theory and the IFS method, but catapulted in its efficiency and accuracy via the Spiritual Science of the Spoken Word and my creative use of kinesiological muscle testing in concert with intuition/higher guidance.

As they say, there’s more than one way to skin a cat. (Poor kitty :<).

If you been considering or are looking for a Nashville Therapist or a Therapist in Franklin, or for that matter, if you’re open to meeting via Telehealth/Video from virtually anywhere in the world, visit me at Therapy Outside the Box for more info on my services, including which ones are available on a “coaching” or consultation basis worldwide. You can also call me directly at 615.430.2778, or email me at chris@therapyoutsidethebox.com to set up a FREE 20 MINUTE CLARITY CALL about how I can help you best!

Peace, Love, and Acceptance,

Chris

Transforming Trauma into Wisdom

“History is not the past. It’s the stories we tell ourselves about the past. How we tell these stories- triumphantly or self-critically, metaphysically or dialectically- has a lot to do with whether we cut short or advance our evolution as human beings.” - Grace Lee Boggs

“Trauma without the negative charge equals wisdom” -Dr. Joe Dispenza.

The question is, how to do this? How to dilute the negative charge from a traumatic memory, so that only the experience remains, and a new story emerges containing only the wisdom.

Surely there is more than one way. All sorts of therapies have their approaches.

Cutting-edge brain research out of neuroscience and neuropsychology proposes that all methods that effectively do this are, whether they know it or not, following an essential formula by which the memory of the event, of what created a trauma response, is being targeted and overridden.

This piece about memory is key. All modern trauma-related treatments target the “memory signature” of the event, rather than the event itself. And there is, as I’m learning, a holographic, or holonomic nature to our memories. I’ll visit that more in a future post.

As I’m studying various approaches to what’s called (what Bruce Ecker, LMFT introduced as) Memory Reconsolidation- a name for a specific neuro-informed formula for rewriting the story of a traumatic memory, it occurs to me that it’s not unlike what the shamans (The original “doctors of the soul”) likely accomplish through indigenous rituals, of soul retrieval and the like. And they’ve been doing this for thousands of years, without the benefit of modern neuroscience and neurospychological understandings.

Do shamans, practitioners of ancient wisdom, brain scientists, and modern schools of psychological thought talk to each other and agree to such a formula? Not that I know of. Which leads me to think it’s a kind of Hundreth Monkey Effect in action, whereby through the collective consciousness an idea emerges and the “signal” of that idea is then perceived and adopted into action.

But that’s whole ‘nother topic! (See: Rupert Sheldrake for more on this).

As we know from what the stoic philosophers taught, it’s not what happened to us so much as the meaning we make of it that matters. The stories we tell ourselves, and specifically the beliefs we arrive at about ourselves, others, and the world (the “cognitive triad”) is what’s responsible for an event having undue shaping power over us.

A simple event from our past holds the Power to make or break us, depending on the immediate conclusions drawn, and the unfolding narrative we attach to it.

Were we victims or victors?

Did we fail or will we flourish?

We don’t have to remain victims to our circumstances. With the right support, we all have the capacity to create what we choose to create.

We often forget that, as sole owners of our life story, we have an innate capacity to rewrite it. the rewriting of a traumatic event can be quickly accomplished through approaches that incorporate the steps involved in the modern memory reconsolidation practice.

Memory reconsolidation is built around three essential steps:

1 Recalling or reactivating the event- briefly, without re-experiencing it.

2 Exploring the negative beliefs/assumptions/conclusions drawn from the event and identfying new, future present-based beliefs/assumptions/conclusions desired (i.e what you prefer to believe about yourself, others and the world).

3 Create via a symbolic “mismatch” or “corrective emotional experience” a new meaning experience that evokes these new beliefs/assumptions/conclusions.

4 Objectively describe memory while integrating the new meaning experience ( through telling the story that incorporates the new beliefs and/or using the spiritual science of the spoken word (such as through my Energy Healing approach) to decree and affirm the new beliefs/assumptions/conclusions about self, others, and the world).

5 New narrative integration- repeating and revising the story until the new desired meaning about the old memory feels true and the “charge” is diminished through the re-telling.

This specific formula (minus my Energy Healing component) is what Courtney Armstrong, MEd, LPC calls the RECON method.

If you have a disturbing memory from your past and you need help to reframe and rewrite into your Victor Story, I am available to help you via Telehealth/Video from virtually anywhere, as part of my Integrative Counseling practice.

Visit me at Therapy Outside the Box for more information, or to schedule a FREE 20 Minute Phone Consult. Or call: 615.430.2778 or email me at: chris@therapyoutsidethebox.com

Peace to You and Yours,

Chris Hancock, LCSW, ACMHP

Covid-19: Coping & Finding Meaning

With the pandemic raging on into a third wave, with numbers (and deaths in some areas) apparently spiking, and my adopted state of Tennessee currently boasting the current lowest ICU availability rates in the nation, COVID-19 is the one thing touching everyone virtually everywhere on earth right now.

That alone is striking, isn’t it?

I tested positive this past Tuesday. So between Telehealth sessions (Thank God for that!) frequent naps, walks for fresh air, taking my dogs out, and binging on Star Trek TOS, why not keep the blog updated? Not much else to do in full quarantine.

I do not know where I contracted it. Like most, I barely go anywhere. I have one suspicion, and that’s my gym. I rationalized continuing to go because it’s in a huge warehouse type space with large garage doors always kept open. Plenty of space and I didn’t engage in super close contact, So maybe there, but I cant be sure.

Fortunately, three days in, it seems to only be getting milder, which supports the theory that if you have no pre-existing health struggles, a strong immune system, and aren’t obese and/or diabetic, in most cases, its mild. Though there are bizarre outliers, I’ve heard of a few. This thing is shapeshifty.

One thing I see virtually all my clients struggling with is where the line is— between caution and overkill. Not so much in terms of mask wearing, but involvement and engagement in living life vs retreat and isolation. And so much of this confusion lies (no pun intended) in not know what to believe, who to listen to, what is fact, and what’s fiction when it comes to this situation.

Facts and truth seem to be scarce commodities these days. Hopefully that’s taken a turn for the better.

Another thing I cant help but be aware of is the spectre of shame surrounding contracting the virus. When I tested positive I felt: frustrated, disappointed, bummed out to have to quarantine, and concerned about passing it on to my family. But not ashamed. I did not feel it or take it as evidence of my not being fundamentally okay, such as shame would like to convince us.

Yet, I see people clearly loathed to admit getting it, clearly feeling shame about it. And we see in schools and other institutions, when someone tests positive that person is not be named. I understand and support privacy (what little of it remains on todays earth), but when someone comes down with the seasonal flu, there’s no anonymity mandate, is there?

Isn’t that interesting?

What’s the difference here with COVID-19? I don’t know. Just bloggin’ out loud.

On a different and more hopeful note, I’ve started to wonder as if this virus came along to force us back to the simplicity, patience, and compassion written about in the Tao Te Ching as a manual for life’s myriad challenges. Perhaps in more ways than one we needed this, as individuals, as a culture, a species. I wish it didn’t have to entail so many casualties of course, but there are upsides to any global re-set event such as this. Some become clear immediately— like the upper atmospheric clearing due to sharp traffic reduction during wave one. Others will take time to emerge, likely in the form of health care, education and tech innovations the pandemic will no doubt spur.

There is a shift happening. and COVID is a catalyst. It will just take time to be fully recognized and appreciated That I do believe. (And I don’t fully believe much).

On the immediate micro level however is the day to day challenges we all face in basic coping with this ever uncertain landscape of pandemic life. Interpersonally, physically, economically, emotionally, psychological, existentially. It’s touched my family, friends, clients and me on every level (even more so since testing positive).

Here’s something I’ve noticed:

Aside from ramping up self care—plenty of sleep, eating well, practicing mindfulness, keeping the body moving, staying connected at least virtually to friends and loved ones, and keeping Zinc, Vit D and C levels high (which I hope is all of us), those that cope the best have two advantages.

One is having been, pre-pandemic, in a pretty good/stable state of mind and possessing a general sense of control (of what can be controlled, and a healthy ability to let go of that which cannot be) and a leaning optimism. Meaning a bias toward that the world is a generally safe place, benevolent, conspires for us (not against us), as well as a general hopefulness

I would add to this cart a general sense of feeling connected and loved. For immunity functioning alone, that’s a boon.

The second advantage is having no significant unhealed/unaddressed pre-existing traumas, or having previously addressed underlying traumas with a reasonable degree of success—meaning, not actively or easily triggered by the memory or talk of them any longer.

And certainty, those with mental health support going in tend to fair better than those without it when a compounding and life-derailing situation like this touches down.

The trauma piece is important because traumatic events latch onto, awaken, and exacerbate pre-existing traumas within us. (Read that again).

I’ve seen this to be the case my whole career.

While everyone responds differently, and there’s no “normal/abnormal” response, whenever someone has a response to a current stressor that appears far beyond what would be expected for that particular event, that’s always my indication that there is likely unaddressed, subconsciously-held, pre-existing traumas being activated.

The customized Energy Healing approach I call my Subconscious Heal and Release® can quickly identify pre-existing traumas—”Little T” as well as “Big T” on the deeper mind (subconscious) and somatic (body-based) levels using my muscle testing process. The process harnesses the Spiritual Science of The Spoken Word, and my own claircognizant (clear knowing) and clairsentient (clear sensing) ability in tandem with the Higher Self to access exactly what is in the way of our healing and alignment with the state we wish to achieve.

I’m finding this to be especially helpful for my clients in helping them in coping with uncertainly, cuing their immune system to remain strong and healthy, and cultivating hope, optimism and resiliency throughout the pandemic.

This service is available via Telehealth the world over on a coaching/consultation basis and “a la carte.” No formal therapy agreement required, or as part of my Integrative Counseling specialty.

Visit Therapy Outside the Box for more information and to set up a FREE 20 MINUTE Phone Consult.

Peace to You and Yours,

Chris Hancock, LCSW, ACMHP

Intuition or Conditioning?

There’s an old saying in the recovery community:

“The distance between our head and our heart is the longest 18 inches we’ll ever travel.”

Those battling addiction have no doubt extended this journey. Addiction separates us further from our somatic awareness, from our body-based wisdom as we attempt continuous escape from the pain our body holds via substance, behavior, or relationship.

Yes, in a real sense relationships can be addicting, though it’s actually the emotional state, the chemicals, the charge it produces that we get “hooked” on.

But addiction or not, the discernment challenge applies to us all.

Intuition is primarily a “neck down” experience. The wisdom of the body, which is the subconscious mind, as Dr. Candace Pert, PhD, author of Molecules of Emotion eloquently and directly put it, is what we must learn to access for this discernment.

As we say, the body never lies. Now, parts of us—which can be experienced as located within the body— can most certainly be carrying false ideas/limiting beliefs, and old pain that would have us view ourselves, others and the world through a distorted lens. But the body will only/can only provide us truth of what it is we feel or believe.

The head, by which I’m meaning the conscious mind (the “monkey mind” as the Hindu’s named it) on the other hand, is full of programming. And while we need our analytical, rational, fact/knowledge-based mind for various things, the head is hardly the seat of deeper knowing, larger truth, or perennial wisdom. It’s rather like the ever-recycling repository of of all our cultural, societal, familial, religious, compulsory educational, and other institutional rules, ideas, beliefs, taboos and mandates as to who we are, what we should and shouldn’t do, feel, say, etc. Still, the head, the conscious mind, has it’s purpose.

But man shall not live by bread alone.

Living in our masculine head, without the counterbalancing yin-yang of feminine body connection is a recipe for unconscious (not so much mindless, but body-less) repetition of unsatisfying patterns, often resulting to an empty or incomplete life. In this case, depression is usually the first clear indication that we’ve been living on someone else’s terms; by conditioning.

Our discernment challenge ante gets upped further when we realize that the mindbody is exactly that: the MINDBODY.

We are a holistic, interconnected organism of mind, body, spirit and soul, where all components— thoughts, beliefs, perceptions, sensations, emotions and behaviors co-exist, interrelating and informing one another.

Consider another old saying:

“Feelings buried alive never die. they find an organ and make it sick.”

When we really look at and get to know different parts of ourselves, which can be perceived to be, or experienced as, located in either head or body, it can be tricky business to decipher what’s what—what’s outside-in conditioning and what is inside-out personal gnosis / truth.

A breathwork, yoga, mindfulness-based or meditation practice can come in useful of course. Deeper knowing and truth will often emerge the quieter and still-er we become, the more regularly we go there. Yet, any honest devout meditator, yogi or yogini will admit, these practices alone will not solve all our problems. The mind, the ego, our various neurosis; our layers and layers of conditioning are, it seems, as patient as lust, as author Graham Greene put it once.

(Why do you think so many “gurus” eventually fall from grace, and fall hard, with so much collateral damage in tow?).

Back to the challenge of discernment. Kinesiological muscle testing, something I’ve long been familiar but only in the past few years have become adept at, is a marvelous truth vs falsehood discernment tool in this respect. In it’s most simple forms (sway test, arm test), anyone can learn and use it to bypass the conditioned mind and tap the wisdom of the body.

Again, the body never lies. But…not so fast…our ability to correctly perceive its messages is fallible. False positives and paradoxical responses happen. It’s as much art as science. We must sometimes test again and again, or have someone do so by-proxy to eliminate whatever internal factors within us may be contributing to or causing inaccuracies.

In the somatic, energy psychology (ep)-based, trauma-informed gumbo I call my Subconscious Heal and Release® Energy Healing alignment approach, a form of muscle testing is used whereby my own head serves as a kind of pendulum. It provides me involuntary clear YES or NO responses to our questions of what is blocking you, from what age (in the case of trauma) as well as the form of the block (trauma, limiting belief, or trapped emotional energy-ours or generational/ancestral inheritances). It’s truly remarkable.

Having come “online” with a Divinely-granted claircognizant/clairsentient ability as I did recently out of an epically discombobulating Dark Night of the Soul experience, this ability is my direct line to the God Mind/Quantum Field/The Superconscious via the Higher Self, to access the information we need.

In essence, muscle-testing is the pathway, but “Spirit,” if you will, is the mechanism.

In using this with my clients, I am able to not only quickly and reliably bring through otherwise inaccessible information to help heal and release inner barriers, I’m able teach my clients how to sharpen their discernment between their own head and body, between conditioning and true knowing. As well as to recognize more quickly what parts of them are needing attention, what part has a story to tell (via symptoms) and what that specific part is trying to do for them

(See previous post: Wounded Parts, Whole Self for more about this).

If YOU would like to learn how to sharpen your head/heart discernment, get to know the wisdom of your body-based knowing, and the different parts of your inner landscape more clearly AND get into alignment with what you most desire to feel, have, achieve, accomplish. be or become, visit me at Therapy Outside the Box or call me at 615.430.2778 to schedule a FREE 20 Minute Consultation, or email me at chris@therapyoutsidethebox.com.

Consultations and sessions available via Secure Video (Zoom)/Telehealth the world over, and on a case bvy case basis during COVID-19 at my home office in Greater Nashville / Franklin, TN.

Peace to you and yours,

Chris Hancock, LCSW, ACMHP

Franklin, TN

Wounded Parts, Whole Self

Have you ever heard yourself thinking, or said: “There’s a part of me that…”

Have you ever had, for example, an acute pain response, be it physical (acute injury) or emotional (shock, grief, panic), and recall there being a part of you that was observing or witnessing yourself experiencing the pain without being affected by it?

I bet you have. We all have. Unless we’re disproportionately out of touch with our inner being, our body-based knowing, we all intuitively recognize that we are, essentially, multiple.

Yes, multiple.

Psychologically speaking, we’re both one and many.

It seems the human psyche is a labyrinth of different, separate yet connected parts. Parts that are indelibly shaped and conditioned by all our experiences, our social environment/important others, as well as all the traditions, spoken and unspoken rules, norms, and taboos of the cultural context out of which we arise.

Yet, we all have a singular, unified essence. And arguably, there’s ultimately just One Mind of which we’re all but parts—ever connected to the All That There is.

“The total number of minds in the Universe is One”

Erwin Schrödinger

Now Schrödinger, an adherent to the philosophy of Advaita Vedanta, referred to the concept of multiplicity as simply “apparent,” as if to further illustrate his One Mind concept cited above. (Welcome to the paradox of it all).

The core of multiplicity stems from Multiplicity of Mind theory, of which there’s both a philosophical and a psychological arm. The (modern) theorist most notable for going to town on the psychological side is undoubtedly Dr. Richard Schwartz, PhD, developer of the Internal Family Systems (IFS) model of therapy.

In short, IFS is a model that proposes we all have what he calls a Self, or a “Larger Self.” And we all have what he simply calls “parts.”

(Have you seen the wonderful Pixar film “Inside Out?” Schwartz’ IFS model was the blueprint!).

The Self, in Schwartz’ view, is our true, untouched, infinitely whole essence. This is our ever-connected, innocent and beautiful core state, akin to what complementary models call the “Wise Mind, or “Wiser Self,” synonymous with eastern spiritual conceptions of the Higher Self, Soul or Spirit.

Our parts he views as subpersonalities, split off from the Larger Self, often polarized (at odds) with each other, and all playing important roles and carrying out specific functions for us, for better or worse— though he posits that our parts are always trying to help us. ot always in the best ways mind you, but in the only way they know how.

Basically, the more difficult the childhood, the more parts we have, according to Schwartz.

To me, it’s no wonder the progressive spiritual community at large has adopted the concept. Many life, spiritual, and transformational and coaches seem to have adopted the idea of “parts work.”. In creating IFS, Schwartz went headlong into the treasure trove of eastern spiritual literature to flesh out his concept of The Self, which greatly shaped his utterly intuitive and relatable model. Strangely though, I have yet to come across one noted (public) spiritual teacher or coach that credits Schwartz, references IFS, or any of the precursor psychological schools of thought that incorporated multiplicity in their models. In contrast, I see many speaking about “parts work” as if it were their own conception. And I shudder to think how many people become unnecessarily and/or inadvertently triggered by well-meaning but insufficiently prepared teachers or coaches doing parts work with folks who’ve been severely traumatized.

But I digress.

Schwartz identifies three groups/types of parts—exiles (the youngest, most wounded and vulnerable parts of us), managers (who help protect exiles), and firefighters (parts that spring into action [often consequential, as in wild spending, drug use, unsafe sex, etc] when managers becoming overwhelmed in their function and the system is perceived to be threatened with overwhelm, or what Schwartz calls “flooding”).

Having studied IFS and many of it’s precursors [ego state therapy, transactional analysis, psychosynthesis, and others) since 2005, and incorporating it into my work, I have to say I adore IFS for its non-pathologizing and utterly hopeful stance on human nature, the psyche, meatal health, and how we can all heal, grow and evolve.

Because, from the IFS perspective, there is nothing wrong or broken about us. There is nothing broken. Nothing to “fix.”

We can heal. We can create harmony amongst our parts, unify and inhabit our Larger Self.

How beautiful is that?

Healing in this regard means, essentially, de-fragmenting; creating harmony and integration with and among our parts. It means helping our parts to take on new, updated, more helpful roles and functions better aligned with our present day hopes and goals, as well as getting to sense, feel, and inhabit our Larger Self state as much of the time as possible. Schwartz says we know we’re in our Self (Self-Led) when we feel things like, calmness, centerdness, connectedness, clarity, creativity, and compassion.

Now, here’s where I branch off.

IFS, in practice, the way Schwartz and other teaches it, I’ve found to be a bit laborious, cumbersome, hard to track. So I use IFS—the multiplicity concept at the root, specifically— more integratively, along with other ideas and methods, both as part of my Integrative Counseling specialty, and my Energy Healing (Subconscious Heal and Release®) approach. This approach of mine blends IFS at the foundation, along with subtle energy psychology (ep), somatic, mindbody therapy, a solution focused outcome-oriented focus, utilizes Spiritual Science of the Spoken Word, and kinesiological muscle testing combined with a claircognizant/clairsentient ability. I find to be a faster, cleaner and more efficient way of “unburdening” our parts, creating unity with the Self, and aligning with all we truly wish to do, achieve, feel, and experience.

There are, as they say, more ways than one to skin a cat.

If you’re seeking a Nashville Therapist or Franklin Therapist, and are interested in a multiplicity-minded integrative counseling experience, and/or rapidly releasing old trauma, limiting beliefs and trapped emotions through my Subconscious Heal and Release® approach, please visit me at Therapy Outside the Box or call me directly at 615.430.2778 to set up a FREE 20 Minute Phone Consult, or email me: chris@therapyoutsidethebox.com.

I am available virtually worldwide via Secure Video/Telehealth, and on a case by case (COVID-19) basis in my home office in Franklin, TN.

Peace to you and yours,

Chris Hancock, LCSW, ACMHP

Anxiety is not to be feared!

At some point in everyone’s life, anxiety creeps in. Sometime it comes crashing in, as in the case of panic attack. But for most often, it’s a slow, insidious creep into our psyche as a result of challenges we have been either loathe to fully face, or that we’ve been unable to find resolution for, despite our efforts.

And anxiety feels scary. But it is not to be feared. Because fundamentally, it’s simply a signal. An alert, that’s somethings amiss— that there’s a real or perceived threat to our existence in some form.

I could get all trauma-languagy and neuro-technical, but I wont, lest your eyes glaze over!

What I want you to consider is that anxiety is a message. A message from a part of you that, like all parts of us, is trying to be helpful (albeit, not always in the best way).

And while anxiety can be a bear to quickly mitigate completely, especially when it reaches a certain level, and depending on the severity level of what life stressors its alerting you to, it can often be greatly reduced by a combination of any number of basic self care strategies (none of which include pills!).

First and foremost is: BREATH.

Deep, diaphragmatic breathing performed at regular intervals throughout the day. It’s free. It’s easy. It feels good. It’s cleansing. And when used correctly, it is a powerful antidote to nervous system over-activation.

Second is MOVEMENT.

Did you know that its virtually impossible for a panic attack to escalate while doing vigorous jumping jacks? The disbursement of damned up physiological energy in the mindbody system is the key here. Anxiety, especially panic, is just that: energy. Energy that wants to move, to be discharged. So regular movement is a powerful combatant anxiety to anxiety.

Thirdly is MINDFULNESS (meditation and/or ‘mentalization’).

Getting quiet, still and turning inward toward our thoughts, tuning into our body, and observing without judgement sounds easier than it is, that’s for sure. But, with practice it gets easier. Ultimately, our thoughts are not who we are! The more we can observe them from a “witness” state, without attachment, we will come to see and know this to be true. Then it gets easier to let go— to regain and remain clam, clear, focused, and in a state of relative peace despite outward circumstances or unresolved challenges.

Lastly, is an effective A HEALING AND RELEASING METHOD.

When anxiety becomes habitual, or when it intermittently resolves but comes creeping (or rushing) back in despite our best self care efforts, it’s probably time to address it therapeutically.

But that does not mean just talking about! That actually does little, and can even escalate it. Focusing on the solution rather than the problem, and working on the subconscious mindbody level, especially for anxiety, is the way to go.

I have an Energy Healing approach I’ve developed (although it’s about much more than just energy!) called Subconscious Heal and Release®. It’s a beautiful, simple but potent method utilizing my 22 years experience, my mind body awareness, a heightened intuitive capacity, and the spiritual science of the spoken word. It rapidly identifies, heals, and releases all that’s in the way of your being in alignment with what you want— whether that’s being in a state of calm and peace, or anything else, provides it’s in your “highest and best good.”

Ready to find relief from anxiety, with grace and ease? By Secure Video/Telehealth from the comfort of your own home, or with me at my home office in Franklin, TN?

Visit my website and schedule a FREE 20 MINUTE CONSULT to get your questions answered and discover how I can help you!